Transitions
A word that evokes a range of emotions in us as adults. When you hear that word, you might think:
֍excitement, ֍change, ֍fear, ֍worry, ֍love, ֍anticipation, ֍despair, ֍loss, ֍hope, ֍surprise, ֍overwhelm, ֍nervous ֍laughter, ֍risk.
Our children have the same range of feelings, but they do not yet have:
a) The language to articulate and express those feelings and
b) The past experiences to know how to cope
It is up to us to help our children navigate changes and transitions in their lives.
What transitions might be happening?
· Change in school or school year
· Change from Early Childhood Centre to school
· Change in location: moving house, town, country
· Changes in the family, such as new baby, split or blended family, new primary carer, new pet.
· Changes for the family, such as finances, work or health, loss and grief
Each one of these may have an impact on us and our children and we will all respond differently. Each day might bring a different response too.
Used by E.L.F with permission: Fred Rogers Center for Early and Children’s Media at Saint Vincent College.
Emotions:
Children are familiar with happy, sad and perhaps angry but the more subtle emotions are actually what they may feel when they are starting something new. We need to give them an understanding of these so that they can express themselves.
Role play a range of emotions with your child at home. Short and positive interactions. Don’t get caught up in the worst-case scenario! The aim is to normalise emotions, give them a name and to let your child know that you understand they are experiencing a feeling and are there to help.
i) I am trying something new…. My tummy feels like there are butterflies in it. That is because I am nervous. …It’s OK to feel …. When I get there, my tummy might feel like I have even more butterflies…. I might try to take some deep breaths….. That will help me feel OK…
ii) I left my lunch at home…. I felt worried because I didn’t know if I would get lunch today…it was Ok when I…
iii) I am meeting a new friend today… I don’t know if they will play the same games as me… That makes me feel …. What happens if…..
iv) When I am learning something new, like kicking a ball… I feel excited. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit too excited; then I want to run around and shout…. If I get too excited I might cry, scream, …
Telling your child that we all feel different emotions during the day can help your child understand that we can feel OK and then nervous and then OK and that is fine. Let your child know that you understand and can help them.
And, we are living in a pandemic so change and uncertainty leave us all feeling rattled and unnerved.
Positive affirmations: I am calm I did my best today Tomorrow is a new start I am loved
Breathing techniques: 5 finger breathing Star breathing smell the flower, blow out the candle (Pretend)Draw a shape on your hand while you breathe in and out
Talking and Listening:
Our children have a voice and a right to be heard. We give them this sense of connection and belonging when we take the time to engage with our children. Talking also allows them to express themselves and to work through a thought process.
Get down to your child’s level and look at them so they know they have all your attention.
Comment rather than question as this allows the child to say more, problem solve and explain. If you are asking questions, try to keep them open ended so your child has an opportunity to expand on what they want to say.
i) If they are playing with small cars, you could comment that you love driving over bumpy roads/ to the top of the hill… I am going to drive to the fuel station.
Talking gives your child the language to be able to share and play with others. Role model both of these.
i) When nanna comes over, you can let her have a turn with the doll’s pram. She used to take you in the pram when you were a baby…
ii) There’s enough playdough, blocks, books… for you and me and …
Commenting lets your child know you see them, that they are part of the group. It also gives them the chance to listen and not have to respond with words. It normalises interactions and doesn’t disrupt play.
Books
Books are a wonderful way to talk about transitions: There are lots of amazing stories in your local libraries and there are several that are read aloud on platforms such as YouTube.
This is a link to the story, First Day by Andrew Daddo (Author) and Johnathon Bentley (illustrator) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qka8Kl-UgaQ
Routines and Familiarity:
As we end summer holidays here in Australia, it is a perfect time to establish your routines for the new year and any changes. I do understand that Covid is going to be the undoing of some of your routines as the way we learn, the place of learning and the ongoing risk of exposure create a vastly different landscape… so if there is one thing to remember, be kind to yourself.
Children love routines; it’s true, despite how they might pretend otherwise. Having a routine takes away a lot of mental load and potential stress. If they inherently understand that the same ‘thing’ happens at about the same time and place, they can concentrate on that ‘thing’.
Some of the routines you might like to consider are around:
i) consistent bedtime to suit your family structure and knowing that a day at ECEC or school is very tiring.
ii) consistent morning routine: what time to get up, order of getting ready, familiarity of getting the clothes and shoes that are needed…
Some ideas for familiarising your child for their day. Have lots of practice:
i) opening and closing school bag
ii) taking items out of and putting items into their bag
iii) putting socks and shoes on, buttons, Velcro, zips
iv) pulling down and up of pants
v) opening and closing lunch boxes and water bottles
These things may seem simple, but they can add to the stress a child may feel on the day!
Familiarise your child with the school or ECEC; drive past it, go and visit, if possible, work out where to park your car or where to leave push bikes/ scooters etc.
Remember to tell your child that this is where you drop them off and where you pick them up from, so they know that you are coming back.
Some children will need the visual of a clock face so they can see when the time is near. A word of caution, however. This can cause they whole focus to be on the clock. Another way to let your child process when pick up time is:
Have a visual timetable or at least talk about the main parts of their day:
i) get to school and back on hook, playtime, mat time, fruit time, play and learning, lunch, nap, fruit, story, home… Keep it a s simple and short as possible but have key times that are the same every day.
Time:
Transitioning takes time. For some children it is super easy, for some it is easy until there is a change at school – such as a different teacher or going to a different part of the setting e.g library. For some children, it takes time.
Build your relationships with the educators, have a simple and quiet routine at home while they learn about this new environment and trust your instincts. Your emotions will be felt by your child so make each day as positive as possible without overselling it!
Your child’s emotions are real and we don’t want to be giving them a mixed message that it is fun and fantastic and they love it, when they are actually nervous and worried and not yet able to enjoy it!
Our children are about to transition into a new space and they need our support as they navigate through the changes. Be there with them and for them.
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